Tuesday is joke day! July 14, 2020

How do priests make holy water?

They boil the hell out of it.

                                                  *****

Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu. You get what you deserve.

                                                *****

What’s the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of  Wales?

One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown to the air.

                                               *****

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

                                                 *****

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

                                              *****

What do you call a fake noodle?

 An impasta!

                                         *****

Doctor: Does your daughter always stutter like that?

Mother: No, only when she speaks.

                                          *****

What’s the one thing that snipers can’t tell their wives?

“ I missed you this morning.”

                                             *****

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says:“Ugh – that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”  The woman  angrily walks to the back of the bus and sits down.    She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on. I’ll hold your monkey for  you.”

                                             *****

A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

                                               *****

Dentist: This will hurt…

Patient: No worries. I can handle it. Go ahead.

Dentist: I slept with your wife last night.

                                               ****

Patient: Doctor, I still have a pain in my eye whenever I drink coffee
Doctor: Did you remember to take the spoon out of the mug before you drink?

                                                *****

Why can’t you eat a clock?
Because it’s time-consuming.

                                                *****

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved!

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