Let it end with you

Were you born into a toxic, miserable family?

While no family is perfect, some families are plagued by serious problems that have caused so much suffering among their members.  So what do you do if fate put you into one of these families?

You have two options. The first one is to make excuses and perpetuate the vicious cycle that haunts your family. It is taking on the mindset of a victim. You justify your own poor decisions and actions by pointing fingers at your parents and siblings.  “ I am a loser because my family is a loser.” You pass the blame to others.

The second option is better. It is walking a different path and cutting the chains that have enslaved your clan. It is taking the mindset of a free human being who refuses to pass the buck, and holds himself accountable for his own life.

Take a hard look at your family’s failures, find the lessons and execute improvement.

If you were born to a family addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling—then, it’s your job not to be an addict. You have to be very careful with how you are exposed to these things, because you could be unwittingly trapped as well. It’s your job to restrain yourself, stay sober and help your family members recover and heal.

If you were born to a poor, uneducated family whose members are always scraping the bottom of the barrel, it becomes your job to get an education and a vocation that will elevate your standard of living . You should do whatever you can to live a life of honest, sustainable prosperity. It’s your job to provide your descendants with a better fighting chance at life.

Do you come from a family of hostile and violent people? Then, it’s your job to rein in your anger and keep it in check. It becomes your duty to learn the art of diplomacy and tact. You should be able to de-escalate situations, and speak kindly and act gently.

If your mother was a mistress who broke another woman’s heart and ripped a family apart,  then , it’s  your job not to be one. It becomes your job to be a protector of another woman’s family, even if it means sacrificing your own heart.  Or, if your father was a womanizer who ruined your family and that of others,  then it’s your job to be a faithful man whose mind is stronger than his desires.

You don’t have to accept an unwelcome inheritance such as poverty  and attitudinal failures. You have the power to end negativity and change it to positivity. Yes, your parents may not change. In fact, it’s unlikely that you can influence your other family members to change for the better. But you can refuse to do what they do, and you don’t have to become what they have become.

You can choose to continue the sins and shortcomings of your family, and pass the curse to incoming members— and be a perpetrator of an endless, ugly cycle. Or you can choose to rectify these mistakes and start a generation of enlightened individuals living a life that is notches higher than the one initially given to you. MARILYSASOTAGAYETA

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