The hidden blessings of childlessness

One of the biggest heartaches that a person can experience is not having a child when you really want to be a parent. It causes so much emotional pain—-not only because your personal desire has not been granted, but also because of the insensitivity of society. Childless couples are often the target of sarcastic jokes and comments, especially in Asian cultures. And that certainly adds insult to injury.

If you are childless, you have been deprived of a unique kind of joy that only children can bring. However, being childless has hidden blessings. Once couples have accepted and acknowledged that they cannot have children, they can move on to find these invisible blessings.

  1. Less worries and stress. Being a parent is a roller coaster of emotions. When you become a parent, you constantly think about the welfare of your children. From their infancy up to adulthood, you never stop worrying about them. There are always nagging questions in your head. Can the baby breathe? How is he coping in school? Is she being bullied? Why haven’t my kids come home yet? Can they get a job after college? The worries are endless. But if you’re childless, you don’t experience this level of anxiety.
  2. Being spared of the worst possible heartache: death of a child. With all the crazy things going on—-crimes, accidents, juvenile suicide, diseases, natural disasters— death is everywhere. The fear and threat are real and hitting people closer. There are so many young people dying, causing unfathomable pain on the parents. It is a pain that never leaves you and never heals. It is a kind of pain that hangs like Damocle’s sword on every mother and father.If you are childless, this possibility does not exist. In this context, being childless is a big blessing.
  3. Less financial worries. It is expensive to have children. Baby food, diapers, clothes, tuition fee—- everything costs a lot. Many parents work two or three jobs in order to provide for their families. They have to give up many things—-like their own medical check ups or a new pair of shoes —- to make both ends meet. If you are childless, you have more available money. You are also less likely to have huge debts and loans that most parents have to pay until old age.
  4. More time for yourself. You can take care of your health and have access to expensive health services that many parents skip. Also, you can focus on your other interests; like joining a charitable organization, starting a business, or learning a new skill. You can learn how to play the piano, or start working on that novel you have been meaning to write.
  5. More time for your partner. You can devote more time to your spouse and make sure that his or her needs are met. If your marriage is based on love, being childless should not ruin your relationship. You can spend time together in romantic places and enjoy adventures that couples with children rarely do. Candle-lit dinners at nice hotels, trips to exotic places. Use your time and resources to strengthen your bond.

If life did not give you the child you wanted and prayed for, don’t waste your time crying , complaining and comparing. The child you never had saved you from a lot of hardships. The child you never had gave you freedom to do many other wonderful things.

You can find collateral beauty in childlessness, if you will seek it. Life can still be amazing!

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