Gardener of Thoughts

( Note: OFW- Overseas Filipino Worker)

             I was in dire straits in 2009. Some personal decisions and events led me and my family  to financial difficulties. Teaching in two different schools, I was always exhausted. Yet, the money was never enough.  Then, in early July, I got a text message from a friend, telling me that employers from Libya were  coming over to Manila to recruit teachers. Was this the opportunity I was waiting for? I decided to apply.

                Passing the interview was the easiest part. The next part of process almost drove me to physical and mental breakdown: raising the money.

              When you start applying for an overseas job, money starts to pour out like water from a broken bottle. Firstly, I had to be repeatedly absent from work because of the long list of requirements I had to comply with.  Absence from job means less salary. No work, no pay, right ? For every trip from Bataan to Manila, I had to have at least a thousand pesos for transportation and food alone. Add to that the fees for authentication of documents, and other things that punched too many holes in my wallet. And of course, at the same time, I had to worry about the  everyday  expenses of the family:  food ,  utilities, tuition fees, school allowance  and endless school projects.

                The placement fee was staggering: Php 250,000. Yes, 250 K.  The recruitment agency was as greedy as f*ck.  The placement fee was supposed to be equivalent to a month’s salary. Our salary was less than that, but they overcharged. Take it or leave it. Where in the world would I get 250 thousand? I considered backing out, but I was also determined to change my life. With blind faith, I decided to “ take ” it.  Soon, I was scrambling for money.

              I had to do what I dreaded most:  swallowing my pride and trying to borrow money from people, even from those I was not really close to.  This was the most difficult part, but it was a lesson in humility and human nature. Some rich people I approached did not lend me anything. I fully understood their decision. I was asking for a risky favor so I was not surprised when they said no. But as for personal ill feelings, honestly —none. No grudge here. They had no obligation to help me.  I had to look for other sources.

           What surprised me —pleasantly, that is — was the generosity and trusting nature of  people who didn’t  have much in life.   Some friends lent me five thousand, others three. A few hundreds here and there.  Some of them lent me money in secret, without telling their spouses. Other friends—as broke as me —even borrowed money for me.  My sister and two brothers also helped a lot.  

               I and the other applicants were in constant communication. We lifted each other’s spirits : “ Kaya natin ‘to ! ” ( We can do this!) We  were exchanging tips  as to  how we were  raising  money.  Others mortgaged their farms. Some sold their jewelry and vehicles. What other things we had to sell and to whom, only the devil knows. We were all desperate.

               The money I had collected was far from enough to cover the placement fee.  I had to hop from one lending company to another, trying to find one that would lend me the amount. This was totally exhausting and I was at my wit’s end. Remember, I was commuting round-trip almost daily between Bataan and Metro Manila.  Every commute meant less money for me. Then, once in Metro Manila, I would knock on offices of lending companies, and beg for a loan.  One company turned me down because of the bad record of OFW teachers who never paid back their loans.  Others asked for a collateral. I had none.  Another lending company rejected me because I am from Bataan. They said they only gave loans to residents of Metro Manila, Cavite and Bulacan.

                    I found myself at a dead-end, but it was too late to back out. By September, I had resigned from my jobs and the pile of debts was getting higher by the day. With the envelope of documents tucked under my sweaty underarm,  I continued my frantic, grueling search around  Metro Manila. This went on for three weeks.  Finally, I found one lending company with attainable requirements.  I was approved for a loan that covered more than half of the placement fee.  However, because it was a non-collateral loan, the interest was very high. To complete the money, I also got loans from SSS and PAG-IBIG.

                By the time I left in November that year, I had accumulated more than Php 700,000 in debt. That included debts I incurred even before I applied, new debts and all the interests, the allowance I had to bring abroad, and the allowance I had to leave my family. Before I left the country, I bought a small notebook where I wrote down the name of every person and every company to whom I owed money. Opposite their names, I wrote down the monthly payment as well as the date when I had to pay them. It was a very long list that ran through several pages.

                  Every time I was able to give a partial payment, I took out my notebook and covered  the name, amount and the date  with green Stabilo highlighter pen. At the beginning, it seemed endless.  But after two years, all those pages had turned green.  In two years’ time, I was able to pay all those loans— while at the same time  providing  my family  with a  comfortable life.  I am proud of this fact. You know why?  Because I know that there are many OFWs who never paid back the people who helped them.  Many of them are still being hunted by lending companies. And the harsh truth is, despite the opportunities given to them,  hundreds of thousands of OFWs  never  recover from debt and poverty.

             I have to give credit to my husband to whom I remitted the money. It was he who deposited all the payments,  or  personally gave the money to the creditors.   He did a good job handling the remittance.  

              Simple lifestyle. Strict financial discipline. Self-control. These are my weapons in getting out and staying out of debt.   Every time I am tempted to buy something at the mall, I slap myself and ask :  “ Do I really need this ? ”. In most cases, the answer is NO.  Often, I walk rather than ride to save money. I acquired my very first credit card when I no longer needed a loan. I simply use it for safety and convenience.   Up to now, I still buy my clothes at ukay-ukay ( second-hand clothes shop) And I am not ashamed of that.

              After three years in Libya, I moved to Oman where I am still continuing my journey as an expat teacher. Things are much better now compared to where I was at the beginning. 

            To all the people who helped me in those trying months of 2009, you have my eternal gratitude.  Thank you so much. Maraming salamat!  ( MARILYSASOTAGAYETA)

I am an introvert. Certified. Hardcore.

This COVID-19, though I hate and dread it as much as everyone else, has somehow saved me. You see, I spend a considerable part of my life dodging invitations to birthday parties, weddings, company team-building activities, Tupperware demos and pot lucks. In many Filipino parties, there are “parlor games” that everyone loves, but I totally hate. Being at a party is punishment enough for me, but being forced to participate in “fun” games—that is torture.            “ Fun” games where you are  forced to dance, to sing, to contort your body, to do a dare,  and other acts that seem enjoyable to everyone else, but not to me.

Socialization and small talks  exhaust me. Of course, I manage to engage in some meaningful catching up— and I do so sincerely. But I’m not hardwired to enjoy being with people. After a few minutes, I would squirm and feel so uncomfortable. The need to be alone is just so strong.

Then, came COVID-19—sweeping humans into quarantine.  Isolation has become  a common thing for everyone,  not just  for introverts like me.  No parties. No get-togethers. No high school reunions. I am relieved somehow. With the pandemic, no invitations are coming my way. I no longer have to rack my brains to come up with an excuse why I can’t be there. And I am not put in a situation where I feel guilty for depriving truly kind people of my company. There are nice people out there who want to spend time with me, or who want to know me better. But because of my greater desire for privacy, I avoid them. Now, with the pandemic—people are already avoiding each other. There is relief in the sense that I don’t have to do the     “avoiding”. There is no need to sneak out of a crowd because there is no crowd.  The pandemic has eliminated the need for me to explain my silence and my distance.

That’s how this pandemic has saved introverts like me. But of course, I want this pandemic gone. I wish I would wake up tomorrow morning with everything back to normal. I would gladly go back to dodging invitations and inventing excuses in exchange for a healthier  world. I would like to see concert halls filled with sweaty  head bangers.  I would like to see people partying again. I would like to see throngs sunbathing at the beach.   With me watching from a distance. ( Marily Sasota Gayeta)

Really rich or just acting rich?

Here are some valuable insights from the works of  Thomas Stanley,  an author and a financial expert. Some of his books are The Millionaire Next Door ( 1996 ), which he co-authored  with William Danko , The Millionaire Mind  ( 2000 )  and Stop Acting Rich   (2009 ). In the course of writing these books,  Stanley closely studied the lives of  hundreds of millionaires.

Let us distinguish between “real millionaires ” and “acting like millionaires ”. Real millionaires have high incomes but spend much less. Instead of splurging,  they build assets like bank deposits,  profitable properties and investments. This is in contrast with those who are just “acting  like millionaires”. These are people who may also have high incomes — but spend the same amount or much more. So, they actually have little or no assets.  These people are just one misfortune ( like a serious medical problem) away from financial downfall.

Stanley was able to identify several factors that led to the millionaire’s wealth  — like a knack for business .( I will leave the “business aspect” to the pros.) However, Stanley  discovered  two other  things that we can all relate to:   most  real  millionaires  live simple  and frugal lives.  That’s surprising, isn’t it? Unfortunately,  these  are not  easy  traits  to acquire.  Simplicity and frugality require an overhaul of  the way we think , feel and act . They require wisdom and will power. 

The millionaires that we usually see on TV — those donning Armani suits, sipping  champagne  in their  private  jets and yachts, and driving around in the latest Lamborghini —-are not representative of the millionaire population. Most of them are anonymous.  Many of them use ordinary and inexpensive  brands.  Many of them buy late-model cars instead of  new -model  cars . “ The pride of owning a brand new car wasn’t worth the $US 20,000.  price difference.”, says  one . A study in the US reveals that 86% of buyers of high-end  vehicles  are  “ acting like  millionaires” — not the real ones.   Most millionaires buy Ford  or Toyota, not Mercedes-Benz . 

 Stanley also found out that many millionaires do not wear luxury clothes and  expensive watches .They know that the  people  they have to deal with  do not  make business decisions  based on  the price of   their car,  clothes  or watch.  ( How often do you see Mark Zuckerberg wearing a  suit ?  He wears a t-shirt most of the time ! ) Another study shows that 75% percent of the members of  elite country  clubs  are, yes —you guessed it — “ just acting like  millionaires”.  Most of the real millionaires  do not even care  about these clubs.  Here’s another thing: most of the millionaires’ wives are strict with their household budget. These things may be unbelievable for ordinary people like us — but those are words  from the horse’s mouth .

Now, about houses. This is what Stanley  says : “ My research has found that most people who live in million-dollar houses are NOT millionaires.” He also discovered that most millionaires in the USA live in homes  worth only US$300,000. or lower. Moreover, they avoid buying homes in high status neighborhoods because that would force them to buy expensive furniture and cars to blend in.  In contrast, a lot of ordinary people earning less want pricy houses and top-of-the-line tables and chairs.

Ninety-five percent of the millionaires profiled by Stanley said that self-discipline is an important component of economic success.  Can we do what they do?   It won’t be easy. Materialism, vanity, instant gratification and social pressures can easily get in the way.  It will take a lot of wisdom, humility and iron-clad will power to reach what these extraordinary people have reached. But nothing is impossible. Shall we start the journey to become real millionaires?