Gardener of Thoughts
Where ideas grow
Born this way
by Marily Sasota Gayeta
When I was a little girl, our house was a small, narrow two-story structure with not much space to hide. But I would always find that space, that place where I could be by myself. Where I could be alone. And I would enjoy every moment of it.
You see, I was born that way. An introvert.
I am averse to groups of more than four people ( that already includes me ). Crowds and social gatherings exhaust me. I can pretend to be feeling normal, but deep inside I’m suffocating. The talking, the chatter, the proximity of people — they all tire me. School programs and even conferences suck my energy. It’s not other people’s fault. There’s nothing wrong with them. But there’s also nothing wrong with me. People are just different from each other.
Solitude is a necessity for me. I need time —a lot of time —to be alone or I go crazy. I don’t need a fancy place at the beach front, though that would be nice if I can afford it. A bare, simple room would be fine. When I am by myself, I feel re-invigorated. The energy comes back to me and I breathe it all in. And I am sane again.
Joy. Happiness. Yes, I find them in solitude. And it surprises me that in this century, 21st century, I still come across people who think that introverts are lonely, depressed people. No, I am not. No, we are not. It’s fun to be alone with your thoughts, with no one bothering you. You are free to think and to imagine anything, with no distractions. If you live alone, you can play your music with no embarrassment for the genre you choose. And you are spared from other people’s drama and rules.
Don’t get me wrong. I do have friends. It’s a small social circle that’s perfect for me. It’s made up of people who know me and respect my distance and silence. I go out with them, one or two at a time. Not all of them at the same time, because that would drive me nuts. I find ways to connect with other people, without the intrusion and overcrowding.
True, there are risks in being alone most of the time. I minimize those risks by being alert and careful. I always check out my surroundings when I go out for a walk. I don’t let strangers come within arm’s length. I double check electrical appliances before I sleep. And I eat slowly because I know, no one would give me first-aid if I choke.
As a foreigner in the country where I am currently working, I still prefer to be alone. Doesn’t the solitude add to the homesickness? No. The presence of other people will not make up for the absence of my family. I would still prefer to be alone even in those times that I really feel down and sad. I suffer alone. I heal alone.
In solitude, I am unchained and unboxed.
In solitude, I am at peace.
In solitude, I am free.
The scourge of teen pregnancy
by Marily Sasota Gayeta
( This article was published at Rappler in November 2019 under the title Time To Act On This Crisis)
The numbers are appalling.
538 babies are born to Filipino teens each day.
2000 10- to 14- year-olds got pregnant in 2017.
30% of Filipino teens had sex in 2017, 10% higher than in 2016.
170% increase in the number of new HIV infections among young Filipinos since 2010.
The Philippines has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Asia and the world, and is seeing a sharp increase in sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. This has led to disrupted education and employment, chronic financial difficulties and serious health complications.
Who is to blame for this undeclared national emergency? Parents, guardians, church people, government leaders and other supposedly responsible grown-ups. We are all guilty in our failure to tackle the crisis in its manifold aspects.
First of all, we refuse to recognize human nature at its nastiest stage: adolescence. This is a turbulent period characterized by rebellion, insecurity, young love and sexual awakening. Teens are constantly in a roller-coaster of emotions and erratic behavior. This is biology. And biology always wins.
Then, let’s put in another factor: peer pressure. Once outside the radar of adult supervision, teens are subjected to non-stop cajoling and temptations, and it is almost impossible not to give in. Add to this the unlimited access to pornography. WI-FI is available at every nook and cranny and the internet offers a buffet of sexually explicit materials. Then, there is freedom of physical mobility. Teenagers are sneaky and they will manage to go where they want to go. We can never beat them in the game of hide-and -seek.
These factors have led to the present crisis— a crisis that adults have refused to see or deal with. They are blinded by affection and traditional beliefs, or frozen by ignorance and indifference.
The solution is arming our teenagers with sufficient, accurate information about human reproduction, sexuality and safe sex; and giving them anonymous access to safe sex commodities, like oral contraceptives and condoms, through qualified health workers. We have to harness the power of every possible resource in the soonest possible time to curb the problem.
But no, Filipino adults are still dilly-dallying, not realizing that each day of delay translates to hundreds of additional babies born to young, poor mothers.
Filipino parents and religious sectors have been preaching abstinence for years. Unfortunately, this is not working. In 2016, 20% of teens were having sex. Then, it rose to 30% in 2017. It’s almost 2020. You do the math. These kids have raging gonads and a high aversion to old-style lectures. They are not receptive to biblical, moral preaching at this point. “Fornication is not pleasing to the Lord.”, we tell them. Well, these kids will gladly go to hell to be with their Romeos and Juliets.
Religious groups have criticized the use of artificial contraceptives. The immorality or morality of using these commodities will never be settled, and we should not allow this debate to further stall urgent intervention. As for the risks— yes. There are health risks involved in taking pills and using condoms, but there are more health risks in widespread teenage pregnancy and unabated unprotected sex.
Parents and guardians are either in denial or incapable of communication. “My daughter would never do that.” Guess what. She already did. Parents are always the last to know. On the other hand, talking to children about sex is never easy. It needs training and preparation. Hence, we need teachers and school counsellors to help parents in this respect. Teachers should train parents how to communicate with their children about these things. This can be done in PTA meetings.
The government should swiftly implement much-needed reforms in health, education and legislation. Aside from funding, legislative amendments are also necessary to allow teens to get safe sex products without parental consent. School curricula should be updated to give administrators and teachers the leeway to integrate real sex education.
There should be gender-segregated sex education classes (with other subjects still gender-mixed) where teens can ask questions without being embarrassed. They need lessons where human anatomy and reproduction will be discussed direct to the point. When we use euphemisms and metaphors even in science classes, we are sending the message that the human body is shameful and dirty. And we wonder why teens refuse to talk to us about this. Teenagers need frank and non-moralizing conversations on human desires and how to handle them. They also need to know the use and risks of safe sex products, and be aware of the consequences of every action they take.
Many parents worry that teaching teenagers about contraceptives and safe sex will encourage them to have sex. There is no empirical data to support this. But assuming that it is true, that’s one risk we have to take. Besides, what is the worst risk of talking about safe sex? Your teen going from being a virgin to having safe sex and staying healthy. What is the worst risk of not talking? Your teen going from being a virgin to having unsafe sex and contracting AIDS. You choose.
Priests and pastors should continue preaching abstinence, chastity and self-control. We will always need that. But they should stop demonizing the solutions proposed by people they don’t agree with. They don’t have the exclusive knowledge of right and wrong. Scientists and doctors are God’s instruments too, and they, too, have God-given wisdom to differentiate the moral from the immoral.
Again, how did we reach this crisis?
Through years of silence, denial, inaction and sin-fixated mentality.
Until we change our mindset and act decisively, we will continue to descend into this pit of unsustainable population explosion, perpetual poverty and contagion of diseases.
Links
https://www.rappler.com/move-ph/76724-hiv-teen-pregnancy-philippines-youth-crisis
https://www.plan.org.au/media/media-releases/teen-pregnancy-rates-in-the-asia-pacific-are-rising
Doll experiment: how dark-skinned kids feel about themselves
by Marily Sasota Gayeta
In 1939, Kenneth B. Clark and Mamie Phipps Clark, a husband-wife team, both African-American psychologists, investigated the effects of segregation on black American children. In their experiment, they showed two dolls to 253 black kids , whose age ranged from three to seven. The dolls looked almost exactly alike — the same size, the same hairstyle, the same shape of eyes , etc. —except for the color. One was black, one was white. The children were asked different questions. For questions like “ Which doll looks nice ? “ and “ Which doll would you like to play with ?” , almost all children chose the white doll. One child justified his choice with “ Because the white doll is clean.” When they were asked questions like ,” Which doll looks bad ? ” or “ Which doll is not nice? ”, majority chose the black doll.
The final question was: “ Which doll looks like you ?”. Many of the children became emotional as they pointed to the black doll. Immature as they were, they realized that they rejected the doll that looked like them, and that they were, in fact, rejecting themselves. One boy said “ I am actually white , but I got a suntan last summer .” Two of the children also cried hard and ran out of the experiment room.
The experiment was done at a time when African Americans were denied so many rights and were struggling for equal treatment . The Clarks concluded that the responses were a clear sign of self-rejection and a feeling of inferiority brought about by the political and social environment. The effects, based on their expert opinion, may even be irreversible. The results of the Clarks’ experiment were eventually used as a basis by the US Supreme Court to declare segregation in public schools as unconstitutional.
This doll experiment had been replicated several times. One was done in 2005 by film maker Kiri Davis. The result was the same . Seventy-one percent of the 21 black children said that the white doll was prettier. Imagine , that was 66 years later , a time when black Americans were supposed to enjoy full rights and privileges as the whites. Those sixty-six years saw the rise of people like Martin Luther King Jr., Maya Angelou, Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan , Will Smith , Tyra Banks —and yet , black children still felt inferior .
In 2009 , a media company in the US conducted the same experiment for the show “ Good Morning America”. The percentage of black girls who showed preference for the white doll was lower , 47 % , but this is still significant . Many of the boys said both were pretty. The change can be attributed to the fact that early that year, January 2009 , Barack Obama assumed the presidency of the US, bringing the positive spotlight to him, his wife and two daughters.
It’s already 2020. Dark-skinned children born and living in many parts of the world are still made to feel that they are not pretty or handsome or good enough . Stereotypes and prejudices are being perpetuated in so many ways . Racism still persists even in advanced, culturally diverse countries . Even among members of the same ethnic groups that are naturally endowed with dark or brown skin, there is colorism : a form of bias in favor of lighter-skinned ones .
Colorism is prevalent in Southeast Asia. Brown-skinned children are bullied in school. They are called all sorts of names . Dark-skinned employees are usually the butt of jokes in the office. These things have persisted for a long, long time –but it does not mean that we should keep quiet about it .
Obviously, the effects of European colonial conquests have remained in the minds of many people. Western-centric or European-centric mentality holds that almost everything from the West is superior and worth emulating , including skin color. People in former colonies have not been able to disentangle themselves from this mentality, despite being technically and officially free from their former masters.
Colorism is also being indirectly perpetuated by billion-dollar corporations that sell beauty products. Their advertisements are relentless because they know fully well that the public mind is malleable . In Southeast Asia —particularly in the Philippines , Thailand , Malaysia —- mainstream media and online media are full of advertisements for whitening products . Billboards show models and endorsers flaunting their white complexion.
Some of the ads go too far, insulting people with dark skin. From dusk till dawn, wherever they look, young children in these countries are bombarded with propaganda that dark skin is inferior. The sad thing is, ordinary adult members of their societies are taking the lead. Social media is rife with verbal insults against dark-skinned people.
Of course, changing one’s skin color is ultimately a personal choice. One is free to buy all the products she wants, or to undergo all the medical procedures, if she really wants to have a whiter complexion . But that is not the thesis of this article.
As proven by the doll experiments, socially-tolerated forms of prejudice do a lot of damage to children. Segregation by color, of course , is no longer the issue, but we know racism still exists . Also ,media-brainwashing and consumerism are just as harmful . Bullying is just as damaging . For a kid who is a constant victim of bullying, going to school is a daily torture .
If you are a parent with dark-skinned children, you have to assure your children that their skin is nothing to be ashamed of. Build their confidence and teach them how to deal with bullying. If you are a teacher, do not allow any dark-skinned child ( or any child for that matter ) to be the object of cruel banters. Show your class that you will not allow bullying and any form of harassment your class. If you are a responsible adult, explain how businesses and the media work, and how they can affect people’s mind –set and behavior.
Do not tolerate racism and colorism , even in the name of ” fun.”
It took a pair of dolls to move the US Supreme Court to make a historic decision that paved the way for integration ( white and black kids studying together ) in American schools. May these two inanimate dolls remind people in different countries what Martin Luther King Jr. said in 1963 :
I have a dream that someday, my four children will be judged , not by the color of their skin , but by the content of their character .”
When decent Filipinas get indecent proposals
Firstly, let us define what “decent ” means in this article. It refers to an OFW Filipina who is not a prostitute. The job or salary does not matter. Whether she is an office employee, a teacher, a sales staff or a household helper — as long as she is not in the sex trade — she is decent, as far as this article is concerned.
If you are a decent Filipina and you decide to work abroad , especially in an Arab country, you have to bear in mind that you are carrying a stigma . And that you will be working and living in a backdrop of prejudice related to loose morals and sexuality. Most likely, you will be mistaken for a prostitute or a low-income worker moonlighting as a hooker. You will have to prepare yourself for insulting remark, degrading looks from men and women from other countries, and brazen attempts to take advantage of you.
“ Indecent proposals ” are a common staple of a Pinay OFW’s experience. The proposal comes in different male tactics. She sits alone in a café, and someone passes a piece of tissue paper which says “ Wanna go out ? How much ? ”. She walks on a street, a car passes by and the male passengers taunt her with “ Five dinars ! ” ( or riyals , depending on the country . And yes, that’s supposed to be her “ tag price” . ) She goes jogging , a car trails her and the driver “ offers a ride ”. Decent Filipinas experience this almost all the time . And sometimes, it’s hard to tolerate the insult and control the rage within.
Before we go further, let us take a look at the root cause of this perception problem. We have to admit that there are Pinays working or sidelining as prostitutes abroad. We cannot deny that . We have no official statistics on this but a short stroll on the streets of Dubai or Hong Kong will reveal the scope of this unfortunate truth. Economic hardships at home have forced not a few Filipinas into this lowly trade. As the diaspora has widened, so has the stereotype.
Of course, prostitution is a universal phenomenon. No country doesn’t have it . Some won’t just admit it. It is not confined to the Filipinas alone . But stereotypes are very difficult to change. Even if you slap some people with a UN- or ILO-certified fact sheet saying that most expat Filipinas are actually in decent, respectable careers — their perception won’t change . Their opinion has been marred by previous experiences or by what they hear from their own kind. People will believe only what they want to believe. It’s useless to explain.
This prejudice is not a problem for women who are really in the sex trade. They are ready for it . They have hardened their guts for it. It is really the decent women like you who have to bear the brunt of the disdain, the heckling , the danger.
However , there are things you can do to lessen the likelihood of getting that “proposal”.
You have to be careful with your behavior when in public. Courtesy is always advisable but too much friendliness can be misinterpreted as an “ invitation”. Eye-to-eye contact with men poses no problem in the work place or in a professional context , but outside of work — like in a mall or on the street— eye contact , especially a lingering one, will send the wrong message . A revealing attire and a flirtatious gesture may also be taken as an “ advertisement” .—-so it’s better to cover that skin and watch your gestures . You are not in the Philippines. Moreover, you should avoid isolated places where shady deals usually happen . When you are alone , a conspicuously plugged ear phone usually discourages conversation —let alone “ proposals ”. It will even save you from hearing unwelcome comments .
But what can you do when you actually get that “ proposal” ?
When it happens in a public place like a street or a restaurant, keep calm and make no scene when there is no imminent danger. Calmly , but seriously say “ NO.” Men who make the “ offer” usually do not insist when they realize that the woman is not for it . If they do insist , then , it’s time to make a little scene to attract other people’s attention. Say NO in a strong , raised tone . Public attention will likely make them stop and leave . As for hecklers in passing cars, you can just ignore them. It’s not advisable to yell back. By the time you have screamed your protestations , the car is gone and you only get puzzled or sarcastic stares from passers-by. If it is very unlikely that you and that man would cross paths again — you can just let it pass.
Indeed, there are many times in your expat life when you have to control your anger . Other women choose to exchange verbal tirades when they hear offensive comments . But this may spiral out of control . For example, if the man is a local , and he felt offended or embarrassed by your reaction, he can give you a problem more complicated than a bruised pride. He can easily trace where you live and harass you to no end .He may even be a relative of your boss and invent things that may jeopardize your employment . Remember , you are in an alien territory . Locals can circumvent almost everything. So, before you go ballistic because someone made an indecent proposal — ask yourself how far you can fight back when things get nastier . Sometimes , walking away from an insult is the wisest thing to do.
When the proposal is repeated by the same person – such as a neighbor or a co-worker —you should tackle things differently. Keeping quiet is not the right thing to do. If you simply keep quiet and ignore him, he may assume that you are just playing hard to get . Make sure that you have said “NO” in a very clear manner . Warn him that if he repeats his offensive offer, you will report him . With the use of your phone, you can actually record his attempts. Telling someone else about these incidents is also a good move . At work , you may inform your supervisor or a Human Resources staff or anyone else who has some degree of power. You may also tell the landlord or a trustworthy neighbor. It is also safer to live with or near other Filipinos.
On the other hand , the case changes when a man insists and seems determined to force you. That’s no longer just a “ proposal “ . It’s an impending rape and assault . Your life is now on the line. That’s the time to make a scene . Attract attention. Shout for help. Use your gadget. If you have time , take a photo of the person and send it to somebody online . You have to move away from the situation as quickly as possible.
At this point, we have to emphasize the importance of personal image. Right from the beginning of your expat life , you have to build a positive reputation. Excel in your work without bragging and behave in such a manner that commands respect . If you do this , more people will be on your side. It also makes you credible when you make a complaint against someone . It sounds unfair — but no one believes a flirtatious woman when she sues someone for sexual harassment. And yes, many Filipinas are perceived as flirtatious and loose.
Let us summarize what we have been talking about . Calmly reject one-time random indecent proposals from strangers. Speak up loud and clear against a repeated offer from the same person in a familiar place. Run away and scream for help when someone gets too close or starts touching you.
Indeed, a Pinay OFW’s life is a tough lot. Surely, you will face many trials and challenges . But with the right behavior , precautions and prayers — you can survive the experience, achieve your dreams and get back home richer and wiser .
To the girl who never got a love letter
You look at yourself in the mirror and start searching for answers. And you see them staring back at you. You’re not pretty enough. Your face has no symmetry. Your eyes don’t sparkle. Your smile is dull. You look so plain and boring . Or maybe, just maybe, you’re downright ugly.
Other girls in school get chocolates and cute teddy bears from blushing boys. But not you. Other girls open their bags, and giggle at the scented love notes, secretly slipped in by a young lad . But not you. All you have in your bag is a faded copy of an old fairy tale, where a damsel in distress is rescued by a knight in shining armor.
A delivery boy sometimes comes to the office with a bouquet of flowers, but it’s never for you. It’s for the girl in the other cubicle. You join the others in the teasing and light-hearted fun for that lucky girl.You cheerfully compliment the roses, but deep inside , you’ve got a question : “ When will I ever get mine?”
You pass by guys on the streets, in the halls, or between tables at Starbucks. They never notice you. Their eyes flit away from you instantly. They turn to their phones right away, or get smitten by that sexy girl at the next table. They never see you. You are invisible to them. You don’t have what it takes to be “ that ” girl . The looks. The charm. The appeal. You have none of those.
It hurts, right? To be a girl, to be a woman, and to be invisible to the opposite sex . You don’t really thirst for attention, but for sure , an occasional admiring look from a guy would somehow bolster your feminine ego. Who wouldn’t feel good with that ?
Other girls were given the beauty that society admires. Others, like you, are lacking in it . Other girls have the appeal that captures guys’ attention right away. But not you . They never bother to give you a second look.
Life is not fair. It never was. It never will be. Accept this fact with a bold, open heart. Then , get on with your life.
Stop crying at night because nobody has written a love letter for you . Stop sulking in a corner because every girl in the gang has a boyfriend,while you’re sitting alone on the bench. Stop pitying yourself because you don’t have a date on Valentine’s day. For God’s sake , girl, stop it .
But don’t give up just yet. Try to doll up, but don’t overdo it . Find out which fashion style suits you. Develop your inner beauty. Be kind. Do good things — not for a show —but because you mean it. Cultivate your talents. Learn how to play a musical instrument. The guitar or keyboard perhaps? That talent would be handy in a company party. Enrich your mind. Read good books. Be aware of the world. This will prepare you for great conversations. Socialize, but don’t act like a slut. Act confidently despite your physical flaws.
And maybe, he will notice you among the vast crowd.
There are a lot of men who fall in love with character, talents and brains. And these are the men who keep lasting and profound relationships. He will fall in love with you — not instantly — but gradually. Your knight will find you. Maybe not in chance encounters in exotic places , but in little familiar corners where time is essential for building intimacy .
When that time comes, he will fall in love with you in a special way. No. Not like the New Year’s Eve fireworks that explode and dazzle the senses , and then vanish in thin air. His love will begin from a small spark. A very small spark that grows very slowly, until it becomes a fire that engulfs his whole heart and his whole being. His love will be like a steady flame that burns for all eternity .
Wow. That sounds so romantic.
But what if your knight does not come ?
So what, girl, so what. Nothing of what you did was in vain. The new clothes and perfume that you bought. The song that you learned how to play. The office mate that you helped. The news that you read . All of these things made you a happier and a better person. Never regret them just because you failed to catch a man.
Your happiness should not depend on whether or not there’s a guy who loves you . Don’t give a shit about what society says you must feel if you don’t have a man in your life. You can be happy even if no one holds your hand in the park. You can be whole even if no one kisses you at night and says “ Good night, babe. I love you .” A human being doesn’t always need a romantic partner to feel fulfilled. Focus on the blessings of being single. Time. Independence. Family and friends . The full range of choices you have in your life. Freedom can be as satisfying as romantic love.
If your knight comes, well and good.
If he doesn’t, it’s okay .
You will be fine, girl . You are complete just as you are .
How access to divorce will change us
( As of publication date, the Philippines remains the only country in the world without a divorce law. Attempts are already being made to introduce divorce to the country.)
Marriage, as all woke people know, is not sugar and spice. It is a relationship that, as years go by, tend to become complicated. Mounting bills, raising rebellious kids, meddling in-laws, mid-life crisis and career issues make marriage problematic. Keeping a relationship requires hard work, commitment and emotional maturity. Many couples are unable to cope and find themselves in troubled marriages. Feelings have changed. The love is gone. Things have become nasty. In the absence of a divorce law, many Filipino couples are forced to stay together. Some sit down and talk, forgive and forget, and reclaim marital bliss. On the other hand, others simply tolerate, accept and bear the things that afflict them, especially if they have children to consider. These couples just go through the motions while they feel imprisoned in a loveless marriage. They stay for want of better options since annulment and legal separation are long, arduous and expensive.
However, once divorce becomes available, things will likely change. It will galvanize unhappily married people into action. It is human nature to seek pleasure and beauty, and to desire happiness and excitement. It is a part of human survival instinct to flee from painful situations like having to argue with a spouse day in and day out. If a divorce law is approved, it would be a door to escape from an unpleasant marriage, and knowing that we have that option may change the way we act and think.
Easy access to divorce will lower our ability to tolerate, accept and forgive. This will be replaced by judgment, rejection and decisiveness. An offense which could be forgiven in the present divorce-less scenario can become unpardonable. A wife who has been cheated and betrayed may just decide to file for divorce. A husband whose ego is constantly piqued by his wife’s criticism may just choose to end the relationship. Grudges, which are normally hidden, are brought to the fore and are used as a basis to sever the relationship.
Unsavory changes in physical appearance —wrinkled faces, grey hair and obese bodies which previously are accepted may be used as a justification for ending the marriage through a no-fault divorce. Why stick it out with your old, boring wife when you can divorce her and marry a young woman who sets your groin on fire? For some men, divorce is a way to awaken their hibernating manhood without the guilt and legal repercussions.
Indeed, a divorce law may make stressed couples more receptive to other people’s affection. Instead of ignoring a romantic gesture from a third party, a person may entertain and welcome it— as a respite from their marital problems. They start comparing their spouses with this new person who seems so appealing, sweet and caring —the exact opposite of what their spouses have become. And since divorce is available, why not try it out with this new partner? We all deserve a second chance, we would tell ourselves.
Access to divorce may make us fail to realize that our troubled marriage is still repairable and redeemable. Instead of choosing to fix it, we may choose to throw it away. There is the real danger of giving up too soon on something that can still be rebuilt. When we are hurt, it is natural to want to break free from a relationship that we feel is toxic. When we’re angry and exhausted from marital conflict, we will forget the positive qualities of our spouse, refuse reconciliation efforts and forfeit the chance to save our family. If given the legal provision, many of us would rather bet on a new partner than reunite with a husband or wife whose flaws and failures have disappointed or even shocked us. On the other hand, court officials, who are overburdened by work, may just haphazardly approve divorce applications, without first considering possible rehabilitation of damaged marriages.
Marriage-divorce-marriage-divorce. Our concept of marriage will become fragmented. It will become a trial-and -error thing. If the first one does not work, try again. If the second one fails again, go for a third. And so it becomes a vicious cycle.
In the divorce debate, we have to consider a legal system that will swiftly dissolve high-conflict, abusive marriages while at the same time giving broken but repairable marriages a second chance at love.
It is profitable to make women feel ugly
by Marily Sasota Gayeta
They are visual feasts we see everywhere. Images of goddesses descended from the heavens. They mesmerize us as they appear on our television screens. They seduce us as they arch their backs on glossy magazine covers and giant billboards. They entice us with their wicked smiles as they pop up on our computer monitors . Women in the media , particularly in beauty advertisements. All are epitomes of modern beauty: lean body, hour-glass figure, silky hair , flawless white skin .
A study in the US reveals that the average woman sees 400 to 600 advertisements a day.By the age of 17, an average girl has seen 250,000 ads. More than half of these advertisements use the concept of “ beauty ” as a product appeal. The product is not necessarily cosmetics or fashion items — it can be a fast food restaurant , a smart phone or even a car. But just the same , they attract consumers by using beautiful women in the ads. According to Chris Downs and Sheila Harrison , whose study was published in Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, one out of every 3.8 television commercials has a message about attractiveness in it.
Apparently, advertisements are doing the jobs they are intended to do. Otherwise, the advertising and the cosmetic industries would not have grown into the giant industries that they are. But how do ads work ? Dr. George Gerbner, a communications expert who conducted extensive research on the effects of television on people, came up with Cultivation theory. A major idea from this theory says that repetitive exposure to something will have cumulative effect over time. Gerbner’s study actually did not focus on beauty advertisements , but the conclusions are applicable. To expound on his findings ,if you bombard women with propaganda showing what “ beauty” should be and with ads of products that would supposedly make them beautiful, they would believe it —instantly or eventually. Even if there is resistance at the beginning, women will finally cave in.
The visual images in the ads transmit the intended message more effectively than words do. Physical beauty is all that matters and it can be achieved by buying and using a particular product. This is the message that seeps into the sub-conscious mind of women and subsequently affects their feelings. And research says that those feelings are, most of the time, negative.
When ordinary women look at these idealized images and then look at themselves in the mirror, they see the stark difference. And that usually hurts.
Philip Myers Jr. and Frank Biocca, both academic researchers, concluded in their study published in the Journal of Communication, that a woman’s self-perceived body image can change after watching a half-an-hour of television programming and advertising. On the other hand , the research of Yoku Yamamiya and Thomas F. Cash yielded a more alarming result : “Even a 5- minute exposure to thin-and-beautiful media images results in a more negative body image than does exposure to images of neutral object.”
Tiggemann and Mcgill ( as cited in Serdar ), on the other hand, discovered that even brief exposure to images of beautiful females (11 images) led to increased levels of body dissatisfaction and weight anxiety among women. This finding is disturbing because the number of images used in the study is far less than what is present in any women’s magazine or shown in most television programming.
A study by Duane Hargreaves of Flinders University in South Australia had similar results. Females who saw ads with idealized female imagery experienced a greater degree of body dissatisfaction , negative moods and anger. Teen-age girls are more likely to be negatively affected by what they see on the media.
The studies mentioned above are just a small part of extensive evidence showing that women suffer emotionally and psychologically due to exposure to beautiful images in ads and other forms of media.
But wait. Isn’t this the very intention of beauty advertising ? To make a consumer feel sorry for herself because she has dark skin . Because she is fat . Because she has pimples . Because she’s getting old. Creators of the ad, and they are very smart, know what’s inside the deep recesses of a woman’s mind and heart. Fully aware of a woman’s vulnerable spots , they hit her self-esteem with underlying messages. You are not good enough . You are not pretty enough . You are ugly . But then, as she squirms on her couch with self-pity, she gets the other message. “ Don’t despair , lady ! There’s hope ! Use our product and you will be as beautiful as these models .You will get perfectly white skin .You will have this body . You will catch Mr. Right.“ The woman now rushes to the nearest mall — where sales agents wait for the prey who needs only very little pushing to buy the product.
TV shows are in connivance with the ads. Most female protagonists and personalities on TV are slim and white-skinned. Other females who don’t fit this description are more of the exception than the rule. Some of them are on a show for comic relief.
Today’s women are willing and unwilling victims of the media’s portrayal of what “ beauty ”should be. Though there are many great things that the media can be credited for , this is not one of them. Women are forced , or at least , are pressured to somehow look like the women they frequently see on advertisements and TV shows.
But aren’t women paying too much for psychological gratification and conformity ? And how much of what we see should we believe ?
Firstly, let us take a look at the ads and the endorsers’ faces. The symmetry. The contour. The color. The “ texture” . Perfect . But how near are these images to the endorsers’ real faces? And how far did the air-brushing and the photoshopping go ?
Ad creators digitally enhance images — and this is on top of the hours spent by professional stylists preparing the endorsers for the commercial shoot. These things are normal in the ad industry. Thus, the images that consumers see are actually the combined result of the endorsers’ physical assets, IT people’s technical skills and digital tools , and the make-up artists’ flair. So many things come into play in the making of an ad. It’s not just the model’s face or body . Never. Most of us know this — but we still get duped.
Aside from “ perfect faces”, another contentious issue is the prevalence of images of thin women Television , print media and the internet teem with images of slim — rather thin —models, with their collar bones and ribs sticking out. Twenty years ago , models weighed only eight percent less than the average woman that time. But these days, models weigh 23 percent less than the average woman. One study reveals that most models these days are 20% underweight — and this is far from healthy . Yet, women look up to them and try to imitate them. The modern weight standard is unattainable for most women — leading to negative self perception as studies suggest. Then, they rush to buy slimming pills —- many of which did not undergo strict laboratory or scientific testing . In many countries , especially those with corrupt governments — it is very easy for businessmen to get permits for their products. Many consumers are not aware that sub-standard diet pills and misuse of standard diet pills may have serious consequences like blurred vision , unstable blood pressure and congestive heart failure.
Women starve themselves to be slim
“ White skin ” is another issue . The skin whitening craze in Asia and Africa has gone to, well , crazy levels. And it is being fueled by the media’s love affair with white-skinned models and leading ladies. Whitening soaps, whitening lotions, whitening capsules. Then , there are whitening medical procedures like lasers and intravenous glutathione The media continues to send the message that white skin is more beautiful than brown or black skin. Although skin whitening has been done by women for centuries —-it has never been so popular and widespread as it is these days. The ancient saying ” One whiteness can cover three ugliness” has become a modern battle cry.
Skin whitening advertisements are everywhere in Asian countries. Many of the endorsers were born with white skin in the first place. That is clear deception. And it is infuriating that governments actually allow them .
These marketing ploys are succeeding. According to a 2004 study by global marketing firm Synovate, nearly 40 percent of women in Taiwan, Hong Kong, South Korea, Malaysia and the Philippines used skin whitening and lightening products that year. That was many years ago. The figure must be higher these days. In terms of purchases , it is said that Asians now spend US$ 13 to 18 billion annually on skin whitening products alone .
Before and after . What’s wrong with ” before ” ?
This desire for white skin is mainly rooted in colonialism , particularly in Eurocentrism . Most countries in Asia and Africa were once colonized by white people: Americans , British , French, Spanish. White is the color of the masters. White is the color of wealth . On the other hand , black is the color of the slaves. Brown is the color of poverty and ignorance. Then enter Hollywood, selling glittering entertainment dominated by white actors and actresses .
Westerners who visit Asian countries are just shocked at the skin whitening phenomenon and the prejudice that goes with dark skin.
There is a bit of irony here. Asians and Africans nowadays are sensitive when it comes to racism committed by Westerners. Yet , among themselves , there exists “ colorism ” . Colorism is a form of prejudice that favors lighter -skinned people over dark-skinned people in the same ethnic group. When Asians and Africans denounce racism yet condone colorism— that is hypocrisy.
Chao-uanTsen, a member of Awakening Foundation, a womens’ rights organization in Taipei , says that the whitening trend is a “ form of self hatred. “ On the other hand , The Beauty Myth author Naomi Wolf believes that modern standards of beauty are “ a plot to keep women politically, economically, and sexually subjugated to men—apparently by keeping them too busy curling their eyelashes to have time for political action .” These may be extreme views which should not be taken in their entirety — but they have some nuggets of wisdom in them.
Women like Chao-uan Tsen and Wolf may decry this trend until they get hoarse . But the end to this is so far from sight.
The media and corporations will not allow women to be really happy with themselves because the moment that happens, it will be the end of many businesses.
A happy, contented woman is a smart, cautious spender. She does not need much because her happiness comes from within. Businesses have to make her unhappy , discontented and irrational — so that she would go into a shopping binge of make-up , skin whiteners and diet pills ( and clothes , accessories ,etc. ). TV shows will continue to glorify white skin and thin bodies . Advertisements will continue to point out flaw after flaw, defect after defect .They will spare no part of the human anatomy : from the scalp down to the heels. Armed with catchy lines and images of beautiful women — they will continue to ensnare women into the vicious cycle of beauty trap .
Advertising is the lifeblood of media companies and it is a US$100 billion a year industry. On the other hand , the global beauty industry is worth US$160 billion a year. There is no way corporations and individuals are going to let go of that money . Top and middle executives are buying mansions , yachts and private planes. Sales agents are making six-digit incomes and even millions.
Indeed , it is profitable to make women feel ugly.
This is not to demonize the media. This is not to paint an ugly picture of all corporations with the same soiled brush. They have their own positive contributions to society but it is still the desire for money that rules them. Businesses exist to earn profit . They will do what they need to do for better bottomlines. Ultimately, women are responsible for their own decisions and actions. It is up to women themselves to stop unbridled , ignorant consumerism and blind conformity to society’s standards.
The key is awareness and balance.
Women have to be aware of how the media impacts viewers. When a woman looks at a beauty ad , she should remember that it is designed to create emotional discomfort and to lower her self-esteem. She should guard her own emotions and determine her own needs . “ Do I really need this product ? Or will I be wasting my money ? ”
Awareness means knowing the options. For instance, many women do not know that a cosmetic or a pharmaceutical company usually produces both expensive and cheap versions of the same product ( for example , moisturizer ) . If the first five ingredients are the same, the products would give almost the same result. So, why burn your money on the expensive version? But women have to develop the habit of reading and comparing. With just a click of the mouse , women can find out which products will give value for their money and which companies deserve to be trusted .
Sub-standard whitening products, and some of them may have been approved by your government, contain mercury and hydroquinone , both of which have adverse effects on health. It is also a well-known fact in scientific circles that melanin protects the skin from cancer . When the skin is stripped of melanin— and this is what skin whiteners do — the person becomes more prone to skin problems .Says Dr. Ernesto Gonzalez , director of International Dermatology Training at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital, “ The whiter they become, the more chances they will be subjected to skin damage and skin cancer.”
Advertisements gloss over not-so-pretty facts and sales agents won’t volunteer them. They are actually experts at evading “ uncomfortable “ questions . And it is not a wise move to ask questions to somebody who stands to gain money from you. Therefore , women have to dig for the information themselves.
Awareness also means distinguishing between capricious cosmetic issues and genuine medical concerns that are worth spending on. For example , morbid obesity does need medical attention because it is closely associated with cardiac diseases , diabetes and other illnesses. On the other hand, a flab in the belly is not necessarily life-threatening , and can be either flaunted or hidden by an appropriately cut dress. Chronic acne should also be treated because of the discomfort caused by the inflammation and the itching .Dark skin , on the other hand, is not a medical problem. It is a perception problem. Same is true with wrinkles, flat noses and line-less eyelids typical of many Southeast Asian women. A perception problem can be solved by changing the way we look at ourselves and the way we handle criticism. The solution can be found inside us — not inside a jar or a clinic. And it is free.
Women who constantly feel insecure without make-up or women who always feel paranoid about how other people judge their physical appearance may have deep-seated problems. Women who go overboard trying to please society may be emotionally disturbed. They need a psychiatrist, not a plastic surgeon.
Now, let us be realistic . Let’s put our thoughts in the context of the current society where women live .
No woman—no matter how intelligent — can be totally immune from the effects of beauty advertising. She will be affected , whether she admits it or not , whether she knows it or not. No woman — no matter how independent — can completely stand up against the pressures of society to look good. She will have to conform –whether she likes it or not. And no woman can completely ignore the longings nature has ascribed to her gender . Which woman had not wished , at least once in her life, to be given a second admiring look by men?
But it is the extent to which she allows herself to be pressured by outside forces. It is the degree to which she allows the media, businesses and society to influence what she should buy, how much she should spend, how she should look and how she should feel about herself.
A woman will always need to be neat , clean and presentable for herself , her family and her career. She can do that without much toll on her income and with minimum rituals in front of the mirror.
We don’t want women losing hard-earned money on products that hardly work , or products that they don’t need at all. “ The fool and his money are soon parted ” as a sage once said . (Well , “ her “ would be the better pronoun here . ) Money that should have gone to family savings had gone instead to a bottle of diet pills. Money that should have been spent on life-saving procedures like mammogram or cervical cancer screening had been spent on liposuction.
We also don’t want women starving themselves to anorexic levels , or working –out too hard because they want to get slim. Women should eat right and do exercise to be healthy, and not to please an appearance-obsessed society. They don’t need to deprive themselves of the gustatory delight a slice of cheese cake brings , or the pleasure of lingering on a soft bed. “ Moderation ” is the word. Anything in excess is bad.
We don’t want Asian and African women feeling ashamed of their brown or black skin .We don’t want young girls from these places to grow up insecure thinking that there is something wrong with dark skin. If there is something wrong that we should all be ashamed of — it is racism, colorism, greed and deception.
We want women to stop comparing themselves to ad endorsers, movie stars and models whose careers and lives have far different requirements from theirs. We want women to see their own worth and feel proud of who they are . We want them to focus on things that really matter: character, brains, personality, health . We want them, not other people , to choose for themselves how they would look and how they would feel . And we want women to realize that they can be truly beautiful in whatever shape size , age or color they are in.
Sources / Works Cited
Alkon , A. ( 2010 Nov 1 ) .The truth about beauty.www.psychologytoday.com.
Hirsi, I. ( 2013 Aug 21 ) Somali woman researches health risks of skin lightening practices. Minneapolis
Post .
Kendrick. ( 2013 July 4 ) Voluntary recall of products ( Skin Care ) www.facestorysg.wordpress.com
Kilbourne, J. (n.d.) The beauty and the beast of advertising . www.medialit.org
Navert,R. ( n.d. ) Media can damage self-image. www.psychcentral.com
Ross , K. ( 2014 March 11 ) Asia skin lightening — an obsession that’s here to stay.
Serdar, K. ( n.d. ) Female body image and the mass media : Perspectives on how women internalize
the ideal beauty standard. www.westminstercollege.edu
Swinson, J. ( 2011 Aug 10 ) False beauty in advertising and the pressure to look good.
Tsang , E. ( 2013 July 5 ) Kanebo recalls skin whitening products. South China Morning Post.
Zafar , A. ( 2012 Feb 3 ).Too perfect ? Rachel Weisz’s L’Oreal ad banned in Britain for being
misleading. www.time.com
Websites
www.jour.unr.edu. Advertisements and their negative effects on women and girls. June 30,2004
www.scalar.usc.edu. Asia’s skin whitening craze .
www.globalpost.com. Why white skin is all rage in Asia .
www.reuters.com. L’Oreal UK ads banned for retouched photos. July 27 ,2011.
www.thebeautybrains.com. Avoiding the anti-aging quackery.
( e-mail received on September 29, 2014 )
www.wikipeda.com Effects of advertising on teen body image .
www.economist.com . Pots of promise.
www.asa.org.uk. ( Rulings )
Bertang Kubeta
Bertang Kubeta ang tawag sa kanya Tagalinis ng kubeta sa Avenida . - Bitbit ang balde , tabo at eskoba Mahabang patpat at gomang pambomba Chlorox , sabon na powder at bareta Sinimulan ang masayang araw nya Pinuno ng tubig , dram na kalawangin At paraiso ‘y sinimulang linisin. Sa isang partisyon, tumambad sa kanya , Sukang galing sa sikmura ng iba Kanin , isda , manok , kape at gatas Mais , tinapay , kendi at iba pang katas . Si Berta , gamit ang lumang pahayagan Malapot na suka , kanyang pinunasan . Isinunod ang baradong kubeta Nakasusulasok sa ilong at mata . Hawa-hawak ang payat na kahoy Sinundot- sundot ang barang impiyerno ang amoy Ihi at tae , tumilamsik sa kanya Lintik na bara , natunaw din pagdaka . May pumasok na tatlong tao Ang isa’y dumahak ng sandamakmak . Ang isa’y suminga , ibinuga ang berdeng plema Ang isa’y pilit na pinigil ang utot Ngunit sumambulat din angot . Si Bertang Kubeta, sa narinig ay tatawa-tawa ! Ala-una na pala! Tumigil muna itong si Bertang Kubeta Naghugas ng mga kamay , gamit ang sabong bareta Tapos ay pasalampak na umupo sa may pinto At buong sarap na nanilantakan ang munting tanghalian Na kaning tutong , kamatis at tuyo.
Maasim na ubas
Dahil hindi ako graduate ng UP, La Salle o Ateneo , Ang sasabihin ko , Wala naman 'yan sa pangalan ng eskwelahan Kundi sa kung ano talaga ang natutunan Dahil wala sa akin ang kagandahan ni Gretchen Barreto Sasabihin kong pinaglalaruan lang nya si Cojuangco Isa siyang malanding kerida na di dapat pamarisan Ng mga kabataan, lalo’t kababaihan . Dahil hindi ako matalino tulad ni Miriam Santiago Sasabihin kong baliw siya at Magaling lang siyang magpatawa Siya’s dapat nasa pelikula at hindi sa pulitika . Dahil hindi ako sikat tulad ni Kris Aquino Sasabihin kong kawawa siya dahil malas siya sa tunay na pagsinta Aanhin nya ang katangyagan at pera ? Dahil hindi ako mayaman tulad ni Henry Sy Sasabihin kong sa diyablo galing ang maraming salapi Sasabihin kong biyaya ang kahirapan At si Henry ay di makapapasok sa kalangitan Dahil wala akong visa papuntang Amerika Sasabihin kong mahal ko ang aking bansa At dito’y maligayang mamumuhay kahit dukha Hindi ipagpapalit sa bansang marangya . Ngunit ,sandali ! Di ba’t halatang- halata ? Inggit ang ugat ng maaanghang kong salita Lahat ng meron sila, ako nama’y wala Nagpupuyos ang damdamin sa buhay kong salat sa biyaya .
Unos
Narinig niya sa aandap-andap na radyo Ang paparating na malakas na bagyo Sa mataas na lugar, lahat ay dapat ay umahon Walang dapat manatili sa peligrosong nayon . Ang unos na padating, wala raw sasantuhin Kaya’t paglikas, dapat nang madaliin. Kaya’t ang babae, nagsimulang maghakot Ng kanyang kayamanang kakarampot Ang maliit na radyo, ilang pirasong damit at kumot Baso, pinggan at kalderong pingot. Malakas na hangin nagdadala ng takot Ungol nito ay nakapanghihilakbot . Maya-maya 'y dumating ang asawang batugan At nang walang nakitang pagkain para hapunan Ang babaeng naghahakot ang siyang pinagbuntunan Mukha’y nakabusangot at yamot na yamot Magdudulot na naman sa kabiyak ng bangungot Ang babae, hinila sa buhok , sinampal , sinuntok . Sa labas, ang hangin, palakas nang palakas Animo’y halimaw na umaangil at humaharibas Ang langit, parang higanteng banga Na nagkalamat at nabiyak sa gitna Lumugwak, bumagsak ang tubig na ka-dagat , Binabali, tinatangay, nilulunod ang lahat . Sa loob ng dampa, tuloy ang kakaibang bagyo Hagupit ng bisig, bigwas ng kamao Ang panaghoy ng babae, nakapapangilabot Matinding pambubogbog na kanyang inaabot Bisig at kamaong matindi pa sa kalikasan Paano niya ito malalampasan . Nahablot ng babae ang kalderong laging walang laman At hinarap ang kabiyak at malupit na kalaban Na ngayo’y may kamaong muling nakataas Ngunit bago niya ito muling naiigkas , Hinambalos siya ng babae nang buong lakas Buhay ng lalaki, noon din ay nagwakas. Nangatog sa takot, tuyot niyang katawan Batas ng lipunan, siya’y uusigin at parurusahan . Nang biglang rumagasa, tubig na hindi inaakala At pinunit ang ang maliit na kulungang dampa Ang babae , nagkunyapit sa natitirang amba Habang ang lalaki’y tinangay ng maitim na baha . Nakapangingilabot ang panaghoy at hiyawan Ng mga taong natangay sa laot at sa kawalan Paghingi ng tulong , siyang ipinagsisigawan Upang buhay nila’y sakaling madugtungan. Patuloy ang hagupit , ang hampas ng kalikasan Ngunit para bang ang Diyos , nagbingi-bingihan . Kinabukasan , pag kalma ng kalikasan Si haring araw, muling nasilayan . Kahit saan mga mata’y tumingin Mapapausal ng “ Diyos na mahabagin !” Puno man o bahay , lahat nakadapa Sa matinding pagkakasalanta . Ang babae’y nagpunta malapit sa barangay Kung saan dinala ang mga bangkay Nilapitan siya ang ng kapitan at iniabot ang kamay Kanyang ramdam ang pakikiramay nitong tunay Ikinalulungkot ko, usal nito -- nasawi ang asawa mo Nang siya’y tinangay, maaring nahampas ang ulo. Tinanggal ng ginang ang takip na pahayagan Ang putikang bangkay, kanyang natunghayan Nakangangang sugat sa noo ay tinitigan Di maiwasang siya’y matakot at kilabutan. Malupit na kamao’y nakaikom pa rin Para bang handang siya’y muling buntalin . Tumulo ang luha ng babaeng kababalo Siya lang ang nakakaalam ng kahulugan nito Pilit na ikinubli ang paghinga nang malalim Siya at ang unos , may alam na lihim Krimen na di maiwasan , tila ba hinugasan Nang malupit at maunawaing inang kalikasan . Disyembre 2013
Quotes
Gardener of Thoughts 
